“Life is not about finding yourself – life is about creating yourself”
I realised that this was what I’d been trying to do my whole life – the creating part, as opposed to the finding part.
Even as a child I had a pretty clear view of the world.. of people, and of the things like drive us (and scare us) and whilst this hasn’t changed much in the years since, the biggest thing that HAS changed, is how I communicate my ideas, ideals and values.
For me, the real creation has come with the ability to be my WHOLE self. Not just showing the parts of myself that I thought people wanted to see, or that I was “allowed” to be in certain circumstances.
For such a long time I had to control what people saw, to curate a professional self, a friendship self, a romantic relationship self, a spiritual self – and I thought that in order to be successful in each of these areas of my life, I needed to keep them seperate and defined.
Professional Self: switched on, organised, methodical, desperate to be given a shot and to be taken seriously.
Friendship Self: always well put together, caring/ nurturing. Having it all figured out.
Romantic Relationship Self: focused on their needs, rather than my own. Giving. Giving. Giving. And more giving.
Spiritual Self: kept in a tidy little box, with small pieces only let out when I knew it wouldn’t “freak people out”
In contemporary terms it was like running four carefully curated Instagram feeds at any one time, controlling the imagery and the narrative – and quite frankly it was exhausting.
So where does the creation come in? It relates to that quote sitting on the front page of this site “she designed the life she loved”.
After a certain amount of years on the earth (and this timeframe is different for us all) you get a bit fed up with living your life for other people. You just become tired of things that don’t serve you, practices that don’t enrich you, people that make you feel bad about yourself, or not good enough.
And you just say “f*ck it”.
You decide to start following your passion and doing YOU. And it feels fantastic.
For so long I wanted to live authentically, I’m values driven and not being my whole self was making my spirit sick. I also realised that as someone a little more energetically tuned in than most, I was doing myself and others a disservice by not sharing this part of myself.
By being authentic – we make space for other people to be authentic also.
To change the narrative we need to evolve the conversation.
If this means dropping some truth bombs about ecology/ conservation and individual responsibility in the lunchroom at work – so be it.
Do I have it all figured out? Have I got the balance 100% right all the time? Hell no. And that’s okay. As long as I’m being true to myself, authentic with others, and I’m open to learning and changing, then I’m happy to curate/ create one whole perfectly imperfect life ❤️