Well that was indeed a HOLIDAY!

It only took me the better part of 6 years to make it happen, but I finally took a break from work that wasn’t the forced shutdown period of xmas/NYs and was for the sole purpose of a new and exciting experience and destination, lasting longer than 5 days :p

We returned at the start of last week (stupid o’clock on Monday morning to be precise) after 2 weeks and 2 days in Thailand… and WHAT an experience! Ever since I wound my way back from my last big overseas trip (2007 – encompassing the states/ europe/ singapore and aus on the way back) I’ve wanted to spend a little time a decent length of time in South East Asia…

Thailand was everything I expected and more…. I’d done enough reading and research to have prepared/ packed and sorted myself pretty well, but there are definitely things I will do a little differently next time… (because there WILL be a next time!)

I’ve discovered that I am in actual fact pretty darn good at that whole relaxing/ slowing down the pace thing… I’ve even found myself just walking a little slower upon my return (and marvelling at others rushing around as I wandered down Queen Street on an overcast Monday afternoon strolling to pick up my new laptop)

Also: I still love taking pictures! One of the greatest joys I had was being able to really capture the look/ feel and moment of what we were experiencing.. and I shall definitely be doing more of this!

I missed real coffee, being able to flush toilet paper down the loo, being able to cook in my own kitchen… but thats about it. I didn’t mind the crowds (made for awesome people watching) I didn’t even really mind the hagglers and hasslers as you walked down the street, I fell in love with Mango Shakes, massages on the beach, warm breezes, scooter rides down crazy roads, the excitement of trying new food of unknown ingredients and/or origin, the sense of humour of the thai people, striking up random conversations with strangers (something I’ve always enjoyed when travelling) and the excitement of stumbling upon amazing beaches and restaurants…

I now want to spend a couple of months travelling through there… and I’ve been reminded of all the other places I want to see and experience.. the wanderlust has returned.. as has the almost constant questioning of why I always work so bloody hard!

Curiosity and joy are two of the most amazing things about being alive.

 

Expectations of interesting-ness

There are few things I enjoy more than quality time and catch ups with my favourite humans… I look forward to these special moments with glee… I often plan and make elaborate things to eat and drink, and create wonderful, welcoming spaces where we can all relax, indulge and enjoy the awesomeness of each others company.

More often than not, however, as the years go by… I have become increasingly flummoxed by that natural conversation-starter “so – what have you been up to?”

UH-OH!

The internal monologue immediately shifts into over drive… “be interesting, be interesting…. ahhhh… what have I done that’s interesting? Think woman, think!”

So this can go one of several ways:
1. Diversion: this can involve jumping up from the table to fetch a new morsel, or opening up a revered and highly anticipated bottle of wine, so that your friend is momentarily stunned by this new deliciousness and forgot they asked a question..

 

2. Evasion: this is where you might say something like “oh bebe, I’ve been so busy, doing all this really interesting stuff bebe, but how about you?” or you could change the topic and divert their attention from the question entirely (see above) whilst you by yourself a little more time thinking up something interesting to talk about..

 

3. Total. Mind. Blank. This is followed by: Complete Honesty. “Um, yeah, just been working. We’re quite busy at work, so we’ve just been working through this busy time. Haven’t really been going out much”

 

I still don’t really know why this question fills me with such dread… it’s like I have a social compulsion that tells me I need to be interesting or something. I know I can be charming, funny, warm, silly, entertaining etc… but the older I get, and the more entrenched I become in my ADULT LIFE… the harder it becomes to let this natural awesomeness come out…

Do I get so wrapped up in creating this warm, inviting space… so concerned with making deliciious food, taking care of everyone to make sure they are having the best possible time… that I forget the reason I wanted to spend time with these outstanding individuals to begin with?

 

Why yes!

 

When did it become more important to be this charming, witty, intelligent, talented, all singing all dancing perceived perfect version of yourself, as opposed to just chilling out, being present, and being you?

Is it because you give yourself so little ‘me time’ that when you have these moments, you crave perfection?

When did having an interesting and perfect life to talk about, become more important than letting go and enjoying the moment?

We are constantly broadcasting our lives to the world via the internet.. social media, tweeting, instagramming, facebooking… you name it. And the images that we present to the world are always this most perfect best version of ourselves… we’re constantly trying to create and shape an interesting and attractive “BRAND ME” for the rest of the world to admire and covet…

It’s little wonder then, that the simple joys of catching up with friends can take on a whole new level of pressure, as we try to ‘be our best me’ for the people we think are great…. But aren’t we forgetting something?

We are perfect, just as we are are.

 

Queue cheesey well-timed quote: “today you are you, that is truer than true, there is no one alive who is you-er than you”

 

I guess I want to tell my friends that my life is perfect, that I am challenged by my work fabulously each and every day, and it plays to my strengths, that I have the chance to be creative and express myself openly through my words, food, music and art, that my sex life is phenomenal every day, I look and feel fabulous because my body is hot and exactly the size and shape I want, that everything is wonderful.

But life isn’t like that. Each day I might feel tired and bored and just generally “BLAH” because although my work is busy and sometimes it’s fun and I have a cool team… its just exhausting some days. And because I’m tired I might not have the energy to be awesome in other areas of my life either… shit happens. Life gets in the way of really living… but its OK. Every day doesn’t have to be a perfect instagram moment.

 

You just need to keep joy in your life. To make sure the life you live doesn’t suck the energy out of you .. that if you are actually depressed and really low – you make change.

 

The point is… it’s YOUR life. For you to enjoy, to take the piss out of, ruminate on, share, not share, enrich and just bloody well live. With a little reflection, cognisant decision-making, deep breathing, lustful gluttony of joy, laughter and living in the moment… your life, your experiences can and will be rich and interesting.

 

Now, can I interest you in a glass of this delicious vino? How about you? What have you been up to?